“She breaks ‘em down, don’t worry!” Gary had the smile of a used car salesman, dripping with sleaze and false promises. His ego seemed inflated enough to knock toddlers with its sheer impact. He extended his hand to meet coach William’s and they shook them to seal the deal. Coach William only grunted in agreement, his face stony.
The following week, a team of nineteen teenage boys entered the Bongoloid Yoga Studio on the second floor, right above a 24 hour grocery store. They weren’t just any teenagers, they were the under-17 soccer team for their club, they were the up and coming Skyhawks all stars. Or something. What Yoga had to do with soccer none of them knew but after blowing up on them the previous week Coach Williams had announced in his grim manner that as they were all stiff as washboards he would have to do something about it. For two weeks straight, four days a week soccer would be replaced with Yoga. If somebody didn’t show up a day would be added for the whole team for each skipped practice.
“Go on darlings, find yourselves some mats and spread yourself around the floor here. We may be a bit crowded as I normally don’t do such large groups ..” the trainer stopped talking for a brief moment while some of the buys sniggered, they abruptly shut up and she continued. “However I am sure we will just enjoy each other’s company. I hear you are already enjoying yourselves. As you should know by now I am Elizabeth but you can call me Lizzie for short. You better pay close attention as we will all need to survive the next two weeks.”
Lizze had very short hair and a pouty mouth and stared eagle eyed across the boys. “Right, first we’ll start with the downward facing dog..” –more sniggers– “..it’s good for the whole body and we do it like this! Don’t miss this you’ll be doing a lot of doggy style here.” She went down to her knees and hands and explained it as she did the movement. “Knees directly under your hips and keep your wrists under your shoulders so that you’re all squared up. What I can see so far looks good. Next we curl our toes to the mat so that we can slowly –I repeat slowly- straighten our legs.” The boys watched her perform the move, and followed suit differently well. They kept glancing at one another, many trying to keep in the laughs or hide the horror. How this would help them kick a ball more accurately none understood. Yet they didn’t have much of a choice but to go with the flow and get into strange poises and positions, breath oddly and listen to all of Lizzie’s descriptions about philosophy and how beneficial this truly was for their body and soul. As if.
"Kids in cars cause accidents, accidents in cars cause kids."
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